Because I can't be Despondent Forever... (or can I?)
I am finally forced to update, as the current post no longer reflects my current reality and I think it's creepy to leave it up as the most recent entry in my "online life."
The re-adjustment to living in Springfield is slow and painful. I think I'm still in the "denial" stage. I keep trying to plan the next possible opportunity to get out of here (summer vacation? fall break? next year's winter break?) and daydream about swiping a credit card, jumping on a plane with a very light backpack, and getting away, if only for a few days. I imagine catching a cab to the airport after work one night and landing halfway around the world (or maybe in San Diego) and then showing back up in town just in time for my next shift. I fantasize about turning what would normally be a few days off sitting on my butt into a non-stop seat-of-my-skirt city tour like the weekend trips I did in Europe.
I spoke with an old friend the other day and it got even worse, because he has an actual *plan* to get on a plane and fly west at the end of next month, and invited me along. It's so concrete, so possible, so close--and yet so far. Unfortunately, I will most likely be starting a new job in mid-June, and while I'm training (for 8 weeks!) I'm not allowed any time off. If I get this job, I'll have plenty of money for random disappearances, but no time. If I don't get the job, I could arrange a few days off, but won't have any money to get anywhere (my credit card is still maxed out from London), and likewise will have no money to pay of said credit card or, most importantly, go to school next year. But of course, that's just the way it works. Yay capitalism.
Springfield isn't *awful,* at least not *completely,* but I just feel a little claustrophobic here. In London, I could hop on a train or a plane to anywhere quite easily, and everything was in such easy reach. Here, if I leave the city limits it's hundreds of miles of EMPTY WASTELAND between me and anything interesting (the closest options, in my mind, being St. Louis and Nashville). I've got a taste of feeling like I was a part of the world, feeling like I was participating in human society, watching the the world work, and now I'm tucked away again out of sight into this quiet corner of monotony.
But for all my complaining, life here isn't completely devoid of light and hope. I'm glad to be around my friends again, and I think the slower pace of life here will be conducive to the necessary work of introspection and planning coming up this summer. Also, hopefully, I will find time to write and perhaps even work towards getting a short story published.
And then, of course, there's the comforting air.
The re-adjustment to living in Springfield is slow and painful. I think I'm still in the "denial" stage. I keep trying to plan the next possible opportunity to get out of here (summer vacation? fall break? next year's winter break?) and daydream about swiping a credit card, jumping on a plane with a very light backpack, and getting away, if only for a few days. I imagine catching a cab to the airport after work one night and landing halfway around the world (or maybe in San Diego) and then showing back up in town just in time for my next shift. I fantasize about turning what would normally be a few days off sitting on my butt into a non-stop seat-of-my-skirt city tour like the weekend trips I did in Europe.
I spoke with an old friend the other day and it got even worse, because he has an actual *plan* to get on a plane and fly west at the end of next month, and invited me along. It's so concrete, so possible, so close--and yet so far. Unfortunately, I will most likely be starting a new job in mid-June, and while I'm training (for 8 weeks!) I'm not allowed any time off. If I get this job, I'll have plenty of money for random disappearances, but no time. If I don't get the job, I could arrange a few days off, but won't have any money to get anywhere (my credit card is still maxed out from London), and likewise will have no money to pay of said credit card or, most importantly, go to school next year. But of course, that's just the way it works. Yay capitalism.
Springfield isn't *awful,* at least not *completely,* but I just feel a little claustrophobic here. In London, I could hop on a train or a plane to anywhere quite easily, and everything was in such easy reach. Here, if I leave the city limits it's hundreds of miles of EMPTY WASTELAND between me and anything interesting (the closest options, in my mind, being St. Louis and Nashville). I've got a taste of feeling like I was a part of the world, feeling like I was participating in human society, watching the the world work, and now I'm tucked away again out of sight into this quiet corner of monotony.
But for all my complaining, life here isn't completely devoid of light and hope. I'm glad to be around my friends again, and I think the slower pace of life here will be conducive to the necessary work of introspection and planning coming up this summer. Also, hopefully, I will find time to write and perhaps even work towards getting a short story published.
And then, of course, there's the comforting air.
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