A Depressing Christmas Wish
I am very sad and freaked out. Hopefully this will pass, as these are not very constructive emotions. UNLESS...... they help me to actually write a short story I've been wanting to get out of my head and into Microsoft Word.... yes, yes my pretty ::rubs hands together maniacally:: some feelings of isolation and paranoia are just what we need... yes...
I wish I could sink into obscurity for winter break and not have to talk to anyone or do anything but sit in a cabin in the middle of a snowy forest and write this short story about an insane girl. I can feel depression reaching for me like a lover, and honestly I would like nothing more than having the luxury of sinking into it for the next six weeks and becoming a crazy hermit writer. Ironically, this is what my crazy heroine does--she lives in a cabin in the woods (with her doctors in the next cabin down) as a form of therapy. I wish I didn't have to suck it up and interact with people, but I do not have a choice as it is a)Christmas and b)the Christmas Retail Season, aka frenzied death time. What do the words "Saturday in December" mean to most of you? Christmas decorations, shopping sprees, warm fires, hot chocolates? Not when you work in retail.
Fortunately, I had enough subtle male affection tonight to elevate my mood to the point where I was able to make it through this shift of SELLING HOLIDAY CHEER DAMMIT but I don't know if that's going to continue enough for me to make it through the rest of this month. I usually love Christmas, even at work, because the hours go by when you're busy, but when I'm edging towards depression like this I just want to curl up in a corner and stare a wall for six hours. As nice as it would be to actually express and work through my issues, I'm afraid the timing is bad, and I'll have to fake it for the rest of the month. It's good that I'll be busy, because that's the only way to make it--stay so busy that I can ignore the abyss of my mind. So I'll still have to go to work, but if I drop off of the social scene, you'll know why. I'm keeping myself company until I'm ready to face the world again.
I should write a song called Christmas Cocoon Crash.
I wish I could sink into obscurity for winter break and not have to talk to anyone or do anything but sit in a cabin in the middle of a snowy forest and write this short story about an insane girl. I can feel depression reaching for me like a lover, and honestly I would like nothing more than having the luxury of sinking into it for the next six weeks and becoming a crazy hermit writer. Ironically, this is what my crazy heroine does--she lives in a cabin in the woods (with her doctors in the next cabin down) as a form of therapy. I wish I didn't have to suck it up and interact with people, but I do not have a choice as it is a)Christmas and b)the Christmas Retail Season, aka frenzied death time. What do the words "Saturday in December" mean to most of you? Christmas decorations, shopping sprees, warm fires, hot chocolates? Not when you work in retail.
Fortunately, I had enough subtle male affection tonight to elevate my mood to the point where I was able to make it through this shift of SELLING HOLIDAY CHEER DAMMIT but I don't know if that's going to continue enough for me to make it through the rest of this month. I usually love Christmas, even at work, because the hours go by when you're busy, but when I'm edging towards depression like this I just want to curl up in a corner and stare a wall for six hours. As nice as it would be to actually express and work through my issues, I'm afraid the timing is bad, and I'll have to fake it for the rest of the month. It's good that I'll be busy, because that's the only way to make it--stay so busy that I can ignore the abyss of my mind. So I'll still have to go to work, but if I drop off of the social scene, you'll know why. I'm keeping myself company until I'm ready to face the world again.
I should write a song called Christmas Cocoon Crash.
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