Dream a Dream... of Death
I know, it's so cliché to be preoccupied with death, especially at my age. I'm not, really, I've just gotten myself infused with too much death-themed media recently. I've been watching some of the more serious Buffy episodes that deal with death, and I've been reading The Lovely Bones. I guess I could blame these things for the recent rash of death dreams if I wanted to, but in reality I'm sure it has a lot more ot do with my actual life at the moment than with the worlds I escape to.
In dreams, death means change, so it makes sense that I would be very death-oriented in my dreams these days. Things are changing for me, again, which I guess is a good thing. New job, new semester, new people in my life. There is one thing that bothers me though--if you throw yourself towards death in dreams, does it mean you're throwing yourself toward change (a good thing) or that you're being self-destructive (a bad thing). I had one of those tunnel dreams, only it was more like a dark cave, not scary but earthy and natural with a sort of nurturing dirt floor. I came to a point in the cave where it forked off; to the right was a tunnel that I couldn't see down because of the blindingly bright light coming from it, and to the left was a tunnel that I couldn't see down because it was pitch black. I got the feeling that the dark tunnel was angled downward and full of earth. I knew I should go into the light, but suddenly, as though I had no control over myself, I was diving into the dark tunnel, down and down, feeling the soft, moist earth grazing my skin and starting to envelop me. It wasn't a scary experience in itself, the dark and the dirt, but I was afraid because I felt that I'd made the wrong choice, I knew it wasn't the way I was supposed to have gone.
In the midst of the falling and enveloping, I woke sharply and was in my room looking at my curtained windows. I started to think about the dream a little, but then the phone rang and I woke up for real, not looking at the windows but with my face pressed against the pillow. A dream within a dream. I think my mind pulled me out of the tunnel and back to a safe and familiar place because I didn't want to know what was going to happen next in that hole. I didn't want to see where that darkness would lead me.
I suppose I have nothing to worry about. It's not like I'm actively pursuing darkness or anything. And anyway, soon I'll be back at school, and between classes, work, and family, I won't have enough time to brood and contemplate and dream and obsess about my subconscious anymore.
So, yay.
In dreams, death means change, so it makes sense that I would be very death-oriented in my dreams these days. Things are changing for me, again, which I guess is a good thing. New job, new semester, new people in my life. There is one thing that bothers me though--if you throw yourself towards death in dreams, does it mean you're throwing yourself toward change (a good thing) or that you're being self-destructive (a bad thing). I had one of those tunnel dreams, only it was more like a dark cave, not scary but earthy and natural with a sort of nurturing dirt floor. I came to a point in the cave where it forked off; to the right was a tunnel that I couldn't see down because of the blindingly bright light coming from it, and to the left was a tunnel that I couldn't see down because it was pitch black. I got the feeling that the dark tunnel was angled downward and full of earth. I knew I should go into the light, but suddenly, as though I had no control over myself, I was diving into the dark tunnel, down and down, feeling the soft, moist earth grazing my skin and starting to envelop me. It wasn't a scary experience in itself, the dark and the dirt, but I was afraid because I felt that I'd made the wrong choice, I knew it wasn't the way I was supposed to have gone.
In the midst of the falling and enveloping, I woke sharply and was in my room looking at my curtained windows. I started to think about the dream a little, but then the phone rang and I woke up for real, not looking at the windows but with my face pressed against the pillow. A dream within a dream. I think my mind pulled me out of the tunnel and back to a safe and familiar place because I didn't want to know what was going to happen next in that hole. I didn't want to see where that darkness would lead me.
I suppose I have nothing to worry about. It's not like I'm actively pursuing darkness or anything. And anyway, soon I'll be back at school, and between classes, work, and family, I won't have enough time to brood and contemplate and dream and obsess about my subconscious anymore.
So, yay.
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