The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Unwittingly Drenched in Pheramones

What the holy hobbit is going on around here??? Okay, *weirdest* day ever. All of the straight men I've come into contact with today have been oddly enamored with me... or at least have been *a* *lot* nicer to me than they usually are. I got asked out twice today. *Twice*. That's like, 3 years' worth for me, in *one* *day*. The first guy to ask me out was an aquaintance who I could tell had a kinda sorta crush on me, and the second was a random customer at BN, not old or gross, but just a young guy who asked if I played an instrument and then wanted to know if I would "jam" with him sometime. He actually bought something, left, and came back five minutes later to ask if I would consider "playing" with him sometime. He blamed it on the shirt I was wearing, stating that it made me look "creative".

The shirt in question will heretofore be called the Apparently Really Attractive Shirt, because it is a shirt that I am not entirely impressed with, but JUST FOR TODAY, everyone else is. I got it at Plato's, it has a rip in the upper layer on the side, and I'm beginning to the think the print sort of old-lady-ish; also, I'm nearly positive the sleaves are too short. And yet, people wouldn't shut up about it. My manager went on and on about how she loved it and needed to start shopping where I shop. Another co-worker, who is in fact a straight man, stated that it complimented my complexion well. *What*?? Straight men aren't supposed to know the word "complexion"; that's what all the gay men at BN are for!

In fact, just about everyone complimented the ARAS, so some of you will probably be quick to use it to explain the whole ordeal, but the catch is I was only wearing the ARAS for the second half of my day, while I was at work; while I was on campus earlier, I was wearing the absolute ugliest shirt I own (my delightful Junior Year English Club T-Shirt, designed by Josh) with my comfy jeans and flip-flops, no makeup, and had my hair under a bandanna that was randomly purple. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is the fabulous ensemble that earned me my first offer.

Furthermore, another co-worker, who is usually not very friendly with me, and is in fact usually very short with me, suddenly started talking to me like I was in the club. When I started complaining that everyone liked the stupid shirt, he said, "I don't like it. You know, to balance things out," so we cannot attribute his sudden warming-up-to-me to the ARAS. He even started telling me all these neat stories about ghosts in the old Drury Library where he once worked. It was kind of creepy how nice he was being to me.

Aside from these notable instances, I just felt like guys were looking at me all day, or generally liked me a lot when I talked to them. It was just *weird*. Sure, I *read* about pheramones last night while studying for my Psych test, but I don't think reading about them is supposed to make you release them. I don't know what's going on, but it better be over with by tomorrow. I feel like I'm being watched everywhere I go, and if one more guy asks me out, and I'm going to start to run out of excuses.

Even creepier: last night I was thinking about how funny it would be if the three (3) straight guys I know all professed their undying love to me in one day, and I reacted to this by freaking out (much as I am now, in fact, but more severely) and yelling "What the f*** is going on here??!!!??" several times. I then supposed that I would proceed to assuming it was all Hannah's doing, and that she had called them all and told them to pretend to be in love with me just to freak me out. It was really funny in my head, as instances of me screaming "What the f*** is going on here??!!??" usually are, and I considered putting it in a short story or something. So, the question of the day is obviously, did I somehow bring this upon myself? Did my thinking it make it happen (albeit in a lesser form), and if so, holy crap! My brain needs to be deactivated for altruistic purposes. Wait, I retract that request. It might actually happen... did I go in The Sphere?

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