Slowly but surely, I think I'm recovering. There's always a sadness pulling at the edges of my mind, but I'm able to function normally, and I can be "happy" as usual. It's just that it's always there now, tugging at me, begging for my attention. Sometimes I indulge it, sometimes I don't. It's a long road, and the pain will ease with time. Unfortunately, that's probably the only thing that will heal it.

I had a really weird nightmare last night, where the object of my dysfunction sold his body to the government for experimental research or something... because he'd given up hope and wanted them to "fix" him, even if that meant it would destroy who he really was and turn him into some kind of evil robot thing.... huh, not too far from reality...

Anyway, in the dream I came up with a really cool metaphor. Near the end of the dream I was riding in a car and he was driving, and all of a sudden the yellow lines on the road that separate the lanes ended, and the only thing there was a long, deep crack in the brownish-tan pavement between the sections they had built the road in. It looked just like a normal low-traffic road, but as I looked at the deep crack, there was some wierd voice over in the dream (which also happened to be me, as it was in fact, my mind) that said, "The yellow lines disappeared, and there was now just a long, deep crack surrounded by the nubby nude colored pavement on each side, it cut through the road like a scar, like the scar that would be with me for the rest of my life." And then I just sorta woke up, but I couldn't get out of bed for a while. That one short line in my dream-movie was somehow sadder than many, many other heartbreaking things I've witnessed in my dreams.

Anyway, I thought it was interesting that I composed a metaphor in my sleep, then remembered it when I awoke. Superfreaky.

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