The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Monday, May 02, 2005

When Sirens Hate Sirens

NATALIE is lying in bed, awake but snoozing lazily. It is 10:15 am, church starts at 11:00 am, and she is weighing the pros and cons of getting up now, or lying in bed for another 15 minutes. She can hear her brother, SETH, and his best friend, JON, getting ready for church across the hall. Realizing she should probably get up, NATALIE starts to drift off to sleep again...

REALLY F***ING LOUD SIREN THING
::goes off in hall::

SETH, JON, and NATALIE
AHHHH!!!!!

NATALIE
What did you guys do??!!??

SETH and JON
Nothing!

RFLST
::continues going off::

NATALIE
Seth, hit the code! On the security system!

SETH
I don’t know it!

NATALIE
Arrrgghhh!

NATALIE gets up, puts on her glasses and robe, and goes to punch in the code on the security system control box.

RFLST
::falls silent::

SETH, JON, and NATALIE
Ahhhh.

NATALIE examines the security box and notes that the affected field (and cause of alarm) is zone 6, otherwise known as the smoke detectors. NATALIE sniffs the air. She does not smell smoke.

NATALIE
Did you guys set the house on fire?

SETH and JON
No.

NATALIE
::narrows eyes::

SETH and JON
No!

NATALIE goes downstairs, checks the hot water heater, the fireplace, and sniffs in every room. She does not smell smoke.

RFLST
::goes off again::

SETH, JON, and NATALIE
AHHHH!!!!!

NATALIE runs upstairs and punches in code again.

RFLST
::stops again::

NATALIE
::backs away slowly, into bathroom::

Realizing that she has to go to church and is already up anyway, NATALIE decides to go ahead a get ready. She begins by brushing her teeth.

RFLST
::goes off again::

SETH, JON, and NATALIE
AHHHH!!!!

TOOTHPASTE FOAM
::flies everywhere::

RFLST
::smirks::

NATALIE spits out toothpaste foam, punches in code again, and runs to grab the phone, searching the windows of the house frantically in hopes of finding one of those security-company stickers that hopefully has their phone number on it. She finds one and dials the number.

AUTOMATED VOICE
If you blah blah blah blah, press one!

NATALIE
Oh, shiznit. This is going to be like the credit card company where I have to listen to automated-man for a half hour before I talk to an actual—

AUTOMATED VOICE
If your alarm is going off now, press 2!

NATALIE
Hell yes!
::presses 2::

ACTUAL SECURITY COMPANY PERSON
Hello, can I help you?

NATALIE
My alarm is randomly going off because it thinks there’s smoke, but there is no smoke, and it just keeps going off, even though I punch in the code and—

RFLST
::goes off::

NATALIE
Yeah, like that!!

ACTUAL SECURITY COMPANY PERSON
(in you-are-dumbest-human-ever-to-live tone)
Uh, yeah. It needs to be reset.

NATALIE
::no, really, you think?::
Uh, okay.

ACTUAL SECURITY COMPANY PERSON
Yeah, hit blah blah blah code.

NATALIE
::hits blah blah blah code::

SECURITY BOX
::returns to normal::

NATALIE
Thanks. ::hangs up::

RFLST
::Is 0\/\/N0rz3d::

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