The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Okay, so I'm less crazy now. I think. Here's how it went down:

I went to a New Year's Party with all my old friends. It was nice seeing them again but I was still feeling weird so I just kind of drifted around silently and didn't speak to anyone (except Michael) for a few hours. Then the dancing started. I didn't really feel like dancing, but Michael sort of forced me to, and I guess I started feeling a little better, though I wasn't ever exactly carefree.

This is the clencher, and for those of you who know whom I am speaking of, please refrain from naming names, out of respect for ::sigh:: him.

I saw an old friend there whom I hadn't seen in a few months nor really spoken to in over a year. I was once again reminded that he was entirely perfect in every way; at least for me and most of the girls I know. He has the wisdom of C.S. Lewis, and that is the most defining trait, but he is also endlessly creative, kind, and strong as well as self-posessed. He is more eager to listen than to speak, but is a great leader in his own quiet way. In short, he would be the perfect husband, for me or just about anyone.

He is entirely unattainable.

Please don't misunderstand, I am not in love with this man. I don't know him nearly well enough for that. This is simple observation and logic. Hannah can attest, it is pure truth, unfiltered and undistorted. It is a matter of reason. He is perfect, but I will never be good enough for him.

What does it feel like, when you know you'll never be good enough for someone, because they're so far above you that you could never measure up? Out of love and respect for him, I would never pursue him; he deserves much better than I.

All I know is that he is the only man I've ever met that I know I could submit to entirely in a purely Christian marriage; not just because he's the man, but because I would always trust his judgement over my own.

So I leave with a question: who have you known (names not necessary) who is entirely unattainable, and why? What makes someone unattainable, and what is the price we pay for paying homage to their grace?


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