The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Point at Which Smart Becomes So Smart That it Turns Stupid

I am making myself fishsticks. This in itself does not make sense, but what follows makes even less sense. I am making myself fishsticks, and I was trying a few minutes ago to decide what I would put on them. I usually put malt vinegar on fish, or rather, I *drown* the helpless ex-fishes in malt vinegar. I then recalled that Seth usually dips his in ketchup. While this may sound unrefined and disgusting (actually, while it *is* unrefined and disgusting), I remembered having tried it at one point, and found it to be quite good. Then I remembered cocktail sauce. Wonderful, beautiful, love-r-ly cocktail sauce. I love putting cocktail sauce on fried shrimp, and the fishsticks were coated with the same kind of crumbly breading, so I figured they would be *perfect* with cocktail sauce. I realized then that cocktail sauce was basically just ketchup with vinegar and probably some onion in it, and I could simply mix a little malt vinegar *into* the ketchup to make my *own* cocktail-esque sauce. In Gifted Kid Camp, one of the favorite "story sessions" that inevitably took place each year was "the time I made my own ___ without a recipe." This fond memory reminded me of one guy who said he once looked at the back of a jar or alfredo sauce in the grocery store to find the ingredients in order of proportion, then went home to make his own. In the spirit of this, and because I still didn't know what those white lumps in cocktail sauce were, I decided that I'd check to see if we had any so I could figure out how to make it. I began by searching the pantry when it hit me. I wanted cocktail sauce. I decided to make cocktail sauce. I decided to look for cocktail sauce so I would know how to make it. Hey, too-innovative-for-her-own-good girl, why not just EAT THE FREAKIN' COCKTAIL SAUCE in the bottle if we have any? We do. It was in the back of the fridge. I feel very ashamed of myself.

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