The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

What? Men? How?

Last week was the week of men. All the straight men I knew suddenly emerged out of the woodwork and contacted me/met with me for the first time in progressively longer intervals of time. First there was Eryn, whom I hadn't met with in months, then Josh, whom I hadn't properly hung out with in 2 years, then Josiah, whom I hadn't properly hung out with in 3 years, then an old friend from DLA, Anthony, whom I never knew extremely well in the first place and furthermore had not seen or spoken to in at least a year.

I had the pleasure of having meaningful conversations with all of these guys, and once again I wonder if there's a reason that they all converged on my life at once. I still can't convince myself to believe in coincidence, so I don't. What, praytell, is going on then? What indeed.

I feel vaguely as though I'm being set up for something, but that's just typically paranoid of me. Of course, Josiah's going to Iraq in a week or so, Eryn's starting school in town, and Josh is about to move out. They're all going through major life changes themselves, so I wonder if that has anything to do with their paths intersecting mine. Once again, I can't help but try to find meaning in everything.

Maybe this is about them, but maybe it's about me. Maybe it's about me not being really close to any [straight] men for the past two years. Maybe it's about me having an attitude of "the Other" towards all males. Maybe God feels like I need to be reminded that boys are people too, a fact I have been mentally skirting for about two years now. What happened two years ago, you ask? I think most of you know. It's one of those experiences that I don't ever, ever want to relive again, but that I'm certainly doomed to repeat before I find my man of choice and settle down for peaceful partnership.

It's times like this that I almost wish I was part of a culture that did arranged marriages. If it's true that a wider variety of choices makes for ultimately less contentment on the part of the chooser, then dating/searching for "The One" must follow as being the most stressful and unfulfilling selection process. Of course, my personal dogma of romance clearly states that in the end, it will be the *most* fulfilling selection process and furthermore completely worth any pain suffered in the search. My very intelligent, subconcious defense mechanisms, however, disagree, and it appears that for at least another year or so, this woman shall remain an island, until at some point in time a man of some caliber puts some sincere and purely-intentioned effort into winning me over.

Perhaps I should just take a few baby steps and maybe make some new male *friends.* The main thing I'm afraid of in that area is that guys will always want to/or think I want to make it more, and I really don't need that drama. Please, Lord, deliver us from drama.


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