The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways...

As most of you know, I have been working on the school literary magazine for several months now, as I did last year. In fact, it was working on the literary magazine that introduced me to Former Friend.... more on that later. Anyway, it's always a lot of work, but it was a lot of work that I was completely committed to and wanted to bear the brunt of. With my new job, however, that wasn't exactly possible. During Crunch Week (which actually was 2 weeks this year), I was scheduled to work several days, usualy from 4-10, which meant I couldn't stay after school to work on it like I wished I could. Since my computer decided to die around the same time, I wasn't able to work on it after work at home (during sleep-time) either. Therefore, I was not able to work on it at all for a while, which upset me a great deal.

The teacher who sponsors the literary magazine (we'll call her Mrs. X) knew all of this. She knew that I wanted to help, but that my schedule and coinciding computer death prevented me from doing so. Yet, when I entered her room to work on it last Thursday, she gave me one of the worst chewings-out of my life. She said I was undependable, irresponsible, and disorganized, amoung other things, reminded me that I said I wanted to do it and now I was blowing it off. That was bad enough, because I pride myself on being responsible (read: an overachiever), and the feeling that I had dropped the ball was horrible. She then made it worse by implying that the real reasons I hadn't been working on it included not wanting to work with Former Friend (untrue-- I told her our entire history, and that I was willing to work with him. In fact I did (sorta) work with him twice, without incident) and that I "can't handle it when I'm not completely in charge of everything," (also not true). I didn't have the heart to talk back and be disrespectful to a teacher--even though the allegations she made were false and completely insulting. I just told her again what the situation was, and that I was really sorry for not being more available. Then I went to work on it some more, and I almost cried, until I remembered that there was a looooong list of people whom she had made cry in her classes and elsewhere (at one point I think it was at least 2 people a week), and I didn't want to be on that list. I refused to let her childish and unprofessional outburst get to me that much, and I sucked it up. I had to leave within the hour, but stayed 30 minutes later than I should have to try to make up for my shortcomings. I then raced home, changed, and scarfed food as fast as I could before going to work. I felt like crap the rest of the night.

There is a guy who has been in a few classes with me this year whom I have not particularly liked since we first met, probably Freshman year. He is the most stereotypical mean jock jackass ever. *EVER*. He is the number one type of person I have trouble putting up with; it just makes it worse that he's so unoriginal. He makes your typical misogynist and chauvinist remarks, makes fun of people, is rude, crass, arrogant, and obnoxious all the time. I usually try to ignore him, but several times I just haven't been able to keep my mouth shut. When I can hear him across the room saying something ignorant and rude, I have to make a comment. Usually he replies with the standard "I wasn't talking to you" or "why do you feel the need to comment", and I reply to that with the standard "because it's rude and I have to listen to it" or "because it's ignorant for you to say things like that". Well, the other day it was another one of those situations, and he responded with "Why do you always feel the need to comment on things that have nothing do with you?" only this time I responded "Because I have to listen to it and I *HATE* you!". I promptly turned around and continued working on my physics, but the rest of the class made a very loud, vintage-elementary school "Ohhhhhh!" and made other noises of amusement and appreciation for about five minutes. I could feel my face starting to burn, but tried to focus on how to find Omega. I am now slightly afraid for the life of my locker and car, but mostly feel bad that I told someone I hated them. That's not very Christian, is it?

Remember the friend mentioned in the April 20 post? I had (and still have) reason to believe that she's angry with me over the events surrounding Former Friend and I last fall. I wrote her a very long letter detailing exactly what happened between he and I, expressed my concern for her, and asked her to let me know how she was. I delivered it yesterday morning, and haven't heard from her yet.

Why does all the hate
seem to hit
at once?

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