The Natatorium

An emporium of oddities from around the world, complete with somewhat informative plaques that almost never match the item they are meant to be describing.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Check, Check, Check

There is nothing more fun than Martha's. Except, perhaps, LSD. Or sex. Or LSD and sex *at* Martha's, and that's just bad for you.

*BUT* if you want to have a good time and only be in pain for 3 days afterward, Martha's is the place. Yes, I am old and out of shape and three hours of dancing like a ho definitely made me sore for 3 days ALL OVER. But gosh, it was fun.

In addition to having a blast, my superfun weekend also allowed me to cross a few things off of my "to do before I die" list. A sampling:

#67: Sneak minor into gay dance club

#82: Feel pain in knees

#87: Interrupt lesbian sex to retrieve purse

#105: Injure finger and be forced to remove ring due to swelling

#124: Witness handmaking of loose tobacco cigarettes

#156: Enthusiastically encourage a three-way gang-tickle rape.

All in all, I think my parents should be proud of me.

In other news, I am continually amazed at how well my Dell MP3 player knows me. I put it on shuffle all about an hour ago, and even though it has a lot of fast-paced rock and dance music on it that I use to work out, it has consistently spit out Sigur Ros, The Shins, The Decemberists, Iron and Wine, and the like, perfect for my quiet library time of reading and internet surfing.

iPods may look cooler and have that nifty click wheel, but the Dell knows you, heart and soul.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Oh, what a Shrew I am....

Yet another delightful "Taming of the Shrew"-esque fantasy in which the rakish playboy is irresistibly drawn to the intelligent, strong-willed heroine. I certainly hope this happens in real life; otherwise I'm screwed.

(turns out: this doesn't happen in real life, and I am, in fact, screwed. Or not screwed, however you want to look at it)

I am of course speaking of "Casanova," which was a wonderfully fantabulous movie that everyone should see. Especially if you're the rakish playboy type who wants to mend his ways and settle down with a girl who knows what "mores" are. You could pick up tips on how to woo me from this movie. Then make sure you are entirely well read, passably intelligent, and have some sort of secret inner pain. Study "Taming of the Shrew" and "Pride and Prejudice" and watch "Ten Things I Hate About You," "Ever After," and "Two Weeks Notice." You will then be well equipped to seduce me. I expect to see all interested parties banging down my door within a fortnight.


Oh well, at least I have Heath Ledger, whom I just realized has been the rakish playboy pursuing the headstrong heroine in two of the aforementioned movies. Too bad they don't make those in real life.

Anyway, in case you didn't hear me the first three times, Casanova=scrumtrilescence. Also, Laura rocks my face off. A quote:

"[Some people] I want to be friends with, but I just can't. It's like trying to be friends with a hanky... it just doesn't work. You just sneeze, and that's it."

Meanwhile, I had an un-date with another un-boyfriend. Someday we're going to get un-married and have un-kids and live in a pretty un-house. Bahhh..... when will the UN-ing cease???